Did it Suck?
Recently, I attended a small college game convention with some friends from out of town. One of these friends, Brandon Osorio, is the game designer behind Dark Refuge, an independent, self-published game world and system. He is someone who is regularly ASKED by convention organizers to be a guest and run games. As we were leaving my house to head over to the con, he happened to mention that he was anxious with pre-game jitters and that he would feel much better once we got there and his game had actually started.
Wait, what!?
Consider my mind blown. I nearly tripped over my own feet as I stared at him in shock. Here is this amazing GM with a devoted base of fan boys and girls that eagerly spend entire conventions playing only his games. Yet, he’s standing there talking about how nervous he is. Two things occurred to me in that moment: first was the realization that I wasn’t the only person in the world that feels that gut wrenching rush of panic, and second was that if someone like Brandon feels anxious, then what hope is there for me?
Self-confidence as a GM is something I’ve struggled with since I began to run games. Despite having gamed for a very long time, it’s only been in the last few years that I’ve actually had the courage to run a game. Even when I accept that my players are enjoying the games I’ve run, I still get that twisted feeling inside, worrying about whether or not the game was good enough.
A bit over a month ago, I started running a Firefly/Savage Worlds game for an every other Friday night group. Before the first game night arrived, we had worked out who the characters were and established their reasons for being part of the ship’s crew. I did my research well before the game (re-watching episodes of the show, reading the source book, digging up info on the various planets of the ‘verse) and roughed out some plot ideas for the crew. Game night arrived and when the night was over, the player characters had been introduced with their myriad personality quirks, the newly acquired and filthy ship had been mostly cleaned up as well as saved from awkward revenge targeting the previous crew, and some Alliance purple-bellies had been punched. By the way the players were talking excitedly about their characters and the next game session, I should have felt confident and accomplished.
So why did I have a bit of a panic attack on the way home?
Despite all signs indicating success, I got caught up in worry that I hadn’t done a good enough job. Was there enough action? Did I make sure to give each of the characters something to do? Is the personality conflict between some of the characters too much? Should I have established more rules during character creation? Did I capture the right feel for a Firefly game? What if I don’t know the system’s rules well enough? Did it suck!?
“Did it suck?” is a question that I have actually been asking since the very first game I ran. After running my very first game ever – a Mutants and Masterminds superheroes game – I honestly needed the feedback. Today the question is usually asked tongue-in-cheek and I have come to realize it’s actually a GOOD question to ask both myself and my players.
Anyone who puts themselves out there in front of other people is susceptible to some degree of stage-fright. It’s a much smaller audience for GMs, but even that small handful of players is still looking to the GM to guide their entertainment for the evening. Even when you’ve prepped extensively and made sure you’ve got a good handle on the rules, those faces looking at you expectantly, waiting, can be incredibly intimidating no matter how much experience you have as a GM.
More importantly, that little bit of worry, either before or after a game, is a sign that you truly do care about how your game went. While innate talent may play some role in it, running games is ultimately a skill that is developed through time and experience. Evaluating how any given game went is an important tool in improving those skills. Whether through self-examination or constructive criticism from the players, examining what went right and what went wrong is a key ingredient in learning how to become a better GM. If you figure out what went wrong and why, you can work on avoiding those mistakes in the future. By the same token, when you figure out what went right and why, you’ve got positive reinforcement on what to keep doing.
Anyone who has been playing roleplaying games for any length of time has a GM horror story. Some involve awkward situations or inexperience, but many are about arrogant GMs that do not realize how awful their game is. My personal worst was a fellow that thought he was a top notch GM but never noticed how bored or irritated his players were. He spent more time rolling dice for his NPCs than actively involving the players in the story of his game. The players were a captive audience there to witness the brilliance of his game world. I don’t think he ever once questioned whether or not his game was a good one, even after most of the players had defected to form a group without him. He was too busy bragging about how awesome he was to the next unsuspecting group of gamers.
That example is on the extreme side, but no one wants to be ‘that guy’ when it comes to being a GM. Being a little nervous and worried about how the game is going or went is a completely normal reaction of anyone who wants to do a good job. The key is to not get caught up in that worry and not listen to the players when they’re truthfully saying they honestly enjoyed the game.
Hopefully, even after I can say I’ve been GMing for decades, I will still be asking myself and my players that same question: Did it suck?
Since the day her father began to read The Hobbit to Angela and her little brother, she irrevocably and forever became a nerd. In the early days, it was just fantasy and science fiction with a healthy dose of comic books. Then one day in high school she was invited to play Dungeons and Dragons. She was handed a halfling thief and somehow and inexplicably survived a typical first edition AD&D TPK. That day created an obsession that is still going strong many years later. In recent years, Angela has slowly transitioned from just being a player eager for the next game to taking on the role and responsibilities of a Game Master. She is fascinated with both the power of storytelling and the social dynamics that exist in roleplaying games. As a relatively new GM, she enjoys experimenting with different game styles and methods for weaving a game’s story together. Even though she occasionally has doubts, her players assure her that her games don’t suck.
Don’t worry Ang, it didn’t suck. ^_^
I feel the same way pretty much all the time. There is nothing I like better than feedback, positive or otherwise. Great article.
I think it took until I actually GM’d for me to understand why some really good GMs would get nervous or flaky about running a game. 🙂
It really was a perfectly timed article. Popping up on my Facebook as I pull out my hair trying to figure out what to do in my 2nd ever DM session. A story left hanging from the previous session, new characters coming in. 2 or 3 players from last time cant make it tonight, and I’m sitting here in a panic, thinking ‘how can I salvage this so it doesn’t suck.’ Every DM I’ve ever played with projects such an air of confidence(including Brandon), it’s good to know that even veterans get the butterflies -Thanks. 🙂
I’m glad it arrived at a good time for you!
And yeah, when I talked to Brandon about mentioning him in this article, he was all for it. He essentially said that it’s good to realize that even experienced GMs get nervous.
I think its safe to say that the Savage Firefly Worlds experiment has been a success. I’ve always been on the player side of the equation. But generally I let a couple of gaming sessions pass before I get a sense of the game. Characters can plan out links ahead of time, but it takes a few games to “burn in” those connections, and work out the social dynamics of the characters. That part of the game is fun, because I usually end up discovering character synergies I hadn’t anticipated. Having now played in a couple of collaborative storytelling games (the card game “Once upon a time” comes to mind, and “Fiasco”) I almost wonder if we’re heading to a more free-form roleplaying future, where the player-GM roles will shift in-game? I used to think that would lead to a directionless mess of a game, but now I’m not so sure.
As a GM, I tend to put some sort of character creation guideline in place because, as a player, I get very frustrated with games that get bogged down in trying to get all the PCs moving in the same general direction. I don’t mind character exploration or conflict, but it helps everyone if there’s something to form some sort of cohesion at the beginning.
Fiasco is a lot of fun. I can imagine it being a disaster if you get some players who don’t ‘get it’, but with the right group, a more freeform game can be a blast. 🙂
Hey good article. =) It didn’t suck. =)
Thanks dude!
It did not suck. Also… I always find looking at things from a more open ended question. “So… what did you think?”
Having been part of the M&M game mentioned above, I was completely dumbfounded when you asked that night “Did it suck?” I was all exited that there were these groups, and things,and a pirate ship with a talking monkey, and… All woven into this well planned story line that had about 200 different directions it could go. But then I know I’ve felt the same thing, be that talking in front of groups, leading technical team, or yes, even GMing.
I think one has to start to worry if they’re so complacent in what they’re doing that they don’t ask the question. Like most things in life, GMing is about interaction. If you’re not asking or getting feedback, something is inherently missing.
What’s just as bad: “am I as good as [insert GM you admire]?”
There are 5 or 6 GMs I look up to and try to emulate. No matter how good I am, or what positive feedback I get, I’ll never feel I’m up to snuff. (Particularly true since I’m running the game above referenced GM created).
All you can do is give it your all and endeavor to entertain those who attend your game.